29 Dec

Okay. So I feel like I should get this all out before the new year comes. You know, the craze and traditions of the new year eves.. Mind set.

So a month ago my boss’ husband sexual harassed me. When I spoke up about it, it created a whole thing with the store and the workers. It was sorta a family business so as a result, there was tension from the ‘big brother’ and ‘brother in law’ and the loyal co workers to the boss against me. Like, if I can place a percentage against how much they all believed me, it would probably be 1/3 or less than 1/3%. If this makes sense.
Back to the story. It happened on November 8, a Friday. In the evening. I told the male coworkers after it happened and my only female co worker a little later. At first, I didn’t think much about it. And didn’t know how to react. Without going into much detail, the situation happened three times. All times, I told him to stop. He didn’t. Before I spoke up, his two male co workers that I told, didn’t care and wasn’t surprised to find out that something like that happened. They basically implied that men were pigs and it’s typical.
But one of them said he’d watch out for me and “protect me”. I wasn’t so reassured. But after it happened, I went back to the other store (the company had two stores), and I was pissed. Because I’m an independent and prideful person. The fact that something like this happened to me angered me and it bruised my ego. Because how and why did I let this happened to me three times and not put more effort to stop it.

These were the feelings then. I know longer feel or think that way. Because after that night, I went home (mind you, it had trouble sleeping so I did a lot of thinking). Saturday was my day off. So I didn’t work the following day. I woke up with the decision, I was going to quit. I even told my father about this. He wasn’t thrilled to hear that I was quitting. I told no one of what happened besides two friends and co workers. I told him I wasn’t quitting because of typical and previous complaints about the boss. It was a serious reason and I didn’t tell him because I know as a father, he wouldn’t be pleased.
So my thought process went like this while trying to sleep:
-I already hate the boss; she’s a bitch
-I obviously hated the retail job, the duties, customers and position
-the people there tell me to do things unrelated to the company and service
-The pay was SLIGHTLY higher than minimum wage. But the hours were long and the job takes a lot
-elaborating more, customers disrespect me everyday
-I get hit on by everyone. All the Chinese co workers and the people who hang out in the straight.

But of courses the reasons named above were constant and happened everyday since I started working in October. But I told myself from the beginning that I was not a quitter and will prevail regardless of these annoyances because I am strong.
But ultimately my reason to quit wasn’t for any of the reasons in the the list but because I didn’t want something like this to happen again. The sexual harassment part. He was the husband of the bitch boss. He was around. And can catch me off guard at any moments and there were blind spots in the basements on the store (the basement was where the incident happened).
So, I told myself, I hated the job anyways and now, this shit happened, so what’s left for me to stay? I didn’t care for any of the co workers and they all ended up betraying me in the end anyways. Plus, I just didn’t want to see her husband again and I didn’t want to talk to him or have him talk to me.
So, I was like, when I go in on Sunday, I will tell/text the boss that I was quitting.

Instead of blabbing and writing more than I want to. I will get into the gist.

At first, no one believed me. And everyone was skeptical. But later on in the day, everyone ultimately and was reluctant to admit,I was telling the truth. Because I had no reason to lie. And the same thing happened to my fellow female co worker. Minus the kiss thing.

On Sundays, besides getting calls from the boss, I also got a call from her husband. He reluctant gave me a HALF ASSED apology, which sounded forced and fake. And he also tried to convince on the phone that he was joking and then went on to ask me to lie. He wanted me to call his wife and tell her I was lying, as well as to speak for him and fix the situation. I was disgusted. To choose a simple and short description of how I really felt that day.

Sighs. This blog is turning longer than I intend to.

I intended that Sunday to be my last day. But the big brother played with my sympathy and kinda begged me to stay for a couple more days. Until they find someone. And he said that he would promise me that something like this wouldn’t happen again. (Mind you, I was crying at this time. Practically sobbing but trying to compose myself for the sake of everything). He told me to stay and that he will personally pay me the deposit money if the boss doesn’t give it to me. I said okay. Only because I wanted to say goodbye to the only make co worker who was humbly nice and helpful to me since day one. He was Mexican. (Disappointedly, he betrayed me in the end too. Or at least I felt he did).
Come Monday, this thing broke out in a huge fiasco. Boss came in with signs of crying. Brother in law, I felt the tension from him. And I got comments from the other coworker, Bill, that I shouldn’t have said anything becuase now I messed up the marriage.

Seeing as how I didn’t like the boss, I didn’t really cared what happened. Her husband touched me and I’m the victim not her. Though. I just didn’t play the victim card publicly anyways. My female co worker kept making comments that she felt bad for her. Her husband didn’t show his face. But he didn’t come that day and the days leading up the Friday the 8th.

Fuck. Practically half of this was deleted and didn’t save. Fml

To cut this short. Because I didn’t even want to relieve this memory.

The Thursday, a week after the incident. I was accused by the boss bitch that I lied about everything. And she implied that I deserved it because I was allegedly smiling and laughing. In the surveillance camera she conveniently found to turn against me. To anyone that’s not dull and simple minded, you’d know I don’t need to convince anyone if my innocent nor who the victim actually is.

What stung about all this and what I never got over was that accusation. As a woman to another woman, I’ve never been so disrespected in my life than that. To say I deserved it and lied. Means obviously she’s not a human being. To say the least. And people like her and her husband, will get their fete desserts by karma and god. The other part that stung besides her implying I deserved everything was I fabricated everything because I was jealous of my female worker because she treats her better. This pissed me off the most and threw me over the edge. Not only was I questioned, interrogated, yelled at and bullied but my character was called into question.

I couldn’t believe anyone would say that to another person. To say they deserved sexual harassment because I didn’t call the cops right awayn (i did end up calling the cops about this on that same day but they didn’t care. They came and made it seem like I was the bad person there just because I didn’t report the situation right away.)
To say, I was lying because I stayed there to finish the task I was told to do (stupid of me because her husband stayed there too). I stayed there to finish my assignment but also because something like never happened to me. What was I supposedly to do? I was scared at first to even say no because he’s the boss’s husband and my job would be on the line. (I was doing the victim and helpful thoughts in my head at that time, I was enlightened the next day. The day after.

I really don’t want to get too deep about this because I don’t want to think too much about this anymore no just wanted to write it out because I never admitted to myself how much it hurt to have my character attacked and figuratively slapped in the face by saying I deserved all this and that I lied because if didn’t like the boss and was jealous of that co worker. The fact I didn’t like her was obvious but I’m not that pathetic and petty to fabricate anything. Because all this called me for the past two moths was turmoil and depressing feelings. I wrote this because I felt like I had to say this out loud to find that closure I need to give myself. I need to get over this and be okay.

And I’m hoping after this post, I will be. And I should be. Because i am strong.

As much as these thoughts and that situation like to creep in my head every one and then, I will do my best to block it.

A different kind of blocking because before this post, I could not admit my hurt from this. I did not admit my sorrows and occasional thinking about this.

But everything is out there not. Including this post.

And hopefully this will enable me to move on and forgive and forget. Not necessarily forgive the people who scumbaged and betrayed me. But forgive them for acting on what they believed. Even if it’s wrong and not right.

God may not believe in righting things that’s wrong but karma may.

I never blamed myself for what happened but I will not be hindered by the people who blamed me for something and the situation.

With this, I will now go shower and move on.


Fresh on the boat.. Hahah

20 Dec

I had this dream that my whole family and I were going to china. But we were taking a boat there and not a plane. Lol

It was five of us. And my older sister and I were traveling one ship, together later on while my mom and other two sisters went on an earlier ship. The thing is, my mom somehow thought it’d be a couple of hours travel and of course rushes and mess things up. I remember the three of time had to board at 4. But they weren’t ready and packed yet. (We were in a station harbor dock thing). So they’re not done packing, FYI ready to board while the time is creeping closer to 4 o’clock. Then my older sister somehow thought she was supposed to board with them. And they num rushed to board. Because somehow their watches weren’t synchronized with the boarding time. (I guess some kind of automatic time change or Day light saving times thing). So they all rushed to board. And did, I think. Meanwhile my boarding time is 5 ish. Of course, I’m all ready and set. Since I’m not a last minute person. But then the watching was wearing went from 4 ish o clock to 2:15pm. So I found this marine security guard guy and questioned him. But he wasn’t sure as well. So we ended up walking around trying to find his check in area with his other buddies to inquiry.

And this is what I remember or stopped remembering from there. But I though I’d blog it so I wouldn’t forget later on.
I’m also supposed to look up some reoccurring dream stuff but of course I forgot. So hopefully I remember or notice a pattern, later on and do some researching.



Colombian cutie

14 Dec

So I had a dream. And I will try to summarize my dream in a nutshell of how I remember it and what I remember from it.
Spoke to “Liz”. And she said I should apply to grad school because that’s how one is suppose to do it to get a decent job. Or career. And then came my reasons. Which is not important for this dream recap sake.
Then naturally I run into some people. And met a guy. He happened to be attracted to me and via Versa.
Anyways I woke up taking a liking to me. But maybe too much. As it is a dream. But naturally. Any cuties in my dream who I happen to be with, I take a liking to lmao.

So reality. Tonight at this promo. I meet a cute guy. He was Colombian. My only regret is that I didn’t recall or pay attention to his last name. So I could have Facebook stalker him. (Yes, pathetic). But I didn’t think his flirting meant he was that interested. Or, it’s just his nature. I usually meet people at places I’m not already to really friend or, take a liking too. As in personal liking lol. Most of the time, it’s work and/or professional settings where it can’t happen.
So he was a bit eager. I was nonchalant about it. I ended up giving him my number. A first. Or first time it happened to be a cute guy. He was cute, charming and charismatic.
My only Dislikes are that he drinks and smokes.. Cigs for sure. And who knows what else.
bUT! Given the fact that he’s from Colombia and might not be here for long, I shouldn’t worry about that. Maybe just delve on hacking a good time and meeting someone new.

This is me all thinking positively and being hopeful I’ll see him again. You know, hopeful, he’ll ask me to hang out one day lol.
I’m actually curious about his story.

We’ll see. And now I should go to bed blissful and hopeful that I’ll dream of a cutie or a familiar one again haha.

Okay, so it’s not like I haven’t met or seen cute guys before. My point of even writing this blog is, this Colombian cutie resembles the cutie in my dream so much! at least that’s why my brain is hinting at. So of course I find that intriguing.

All though rambles aside, goodnight world 🙂


My new purchase

9 Dec

Eck! I’m so thrilled and full of energy today!! Went to the doctors today to get some meds and then went shopping with my momma in soho after. She persuaded me to cancel my dentist appointment for this shopping excursion lol

I went to the apple today and bought myself the iPad mini número dos! It was and will be a butt load of money once I gotta pay the bills (or my mom). But I’m content. I got the silver 64gb one. I also just paid for two case via eBay. And one is said to come later this week! 🙂

I think I spent about $1000 today but I’m not regretting it one bit.

iPad cost $652 (with tax)
Aerie ($26)
eBay ($23)

Oh. Haha I just did the math and it’s actually $711.

Okay. I’m going to cut my first post via the mini short so I can go play around with this a but before bed. ^___^

let’s talk about boys

24 Sep

so that same friday night why I was so frustrated was for two reasons: long day, full or failures and basically travelling all over brooklyn. the second one was.. let’s call him melvin.

so I accompany M to one of her errands only to find out the appointment cancelled two days ago without any notices AND, she wanted to go all the way to the end of south brooklyn to ask why.

I already had my issue with her the previous day and then she started working my nerves up with her ungratefulness and attitude. the ironic thing is, she says I have a bad attitude and mouth. compared to me, she’s not a saint nor angel either. see, the thing with us is that we don’t say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ much. but the appreciation is still there. recently she got herself in her own funk and shit and wants to take it out on other people. I’m not having it. I’m not a sucker and nor am I a dupe. I don’t let people take things out of me. go get a punching bag if you want to work out your frustrations and issues. I am neither a dupe or punching bag.

okay, so after knowing that, she wanted me to call and ask why… ETC. but her logic and reasoning to horrible to sum it up.

sighs, so off we went to coney island to get to the bottom of this…

after spending god knows how many hours there, we’re done and things seem to be fixed. we spent the whole day out. I was out from 11AM ish to 8:40PM ish. after a long day out, all I wanted to do was relax, shower, and be alone in my thoughts.

but NOOOOOOOOOOOO I get a surprise unwelcome, unexpected visitor. IN MY BUILDING, FLOOR, and ROOM.

obviously I was not pleased or up for this.

he excuse was that it was a moon festival holiday and his mom told him to bring “us” some mooncake. the mooncake wasn’t for me. (it was for my mom) and I don’t even know the significant or anything about this holiday.

it was.. an ambush you guys.

CLEARLY he didn’t accept or liked my decision to break up. and, he wanted to confront me. (see, I don’t mind confrontations and can deal with them, as long as EYE had decided to do the confronting, not be the confrontee).

I also couldn’t say much or argue with him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and I was tired. so I just laid there like a sack of retarded and let him say all those things to me.

he wanted to know why and the real reason I ended things with him. clearly he wasn’t pleased by my text break up. he also wasn’t pleased with my decision and reason. I laughed at this and told him that’s on him. he also wanted closure from me.

ummm closure is up to that person to find. not up to the other person to help achieve it. I can’t give him closure because I’m not the person for that. and it’s up to him to get over it.

so, I was frustrated to come home to this bombardment, this ambush and crap from him after a long day. he also goes to throw in my face all the ‘things he’s done for me’. I’m not a person to ever say this too. because for one, I hate people throwing things in my face and I hate the logic behind it for anyone to use it. if you do a nice thing, it’s because you wanted to do it. if you buy someone a gift or give them anything, that’s because you want to. NOT for accolades (finally learned how to spell this) and appraisal. every guys I have met or dealt with so far does not get this common sense and logic.

apparently melvin amongst other males expect something from giving people things, much less material items. my love and anything can’t be bought. it has to be earned or a mutual feeling.

melvin thought because he bought lots of stuff that I’d feel the same way about him or like me the equal amount. or, that we will never break up, etc. but sorry, that’s not the case. it’s the fact that you buy TOO much and do too much was what pushed me away. it was too much, too suffocating, and too clingy for my taste.

ultimately, we weren’t going to work out. I wasn’t attracted to him and he wasn’t man enough for me. (in fact, when he did that bitchy thing and throw stuff in my face, that did it for me to not even be friends with him. btw, I say bitchy for the lack of better terms but I’ve never met female who actually do those things).

he also didn’t have any confidence, and constantly tries to get a compliment off me, or get me to fill his lack of anything to conceitedness. so not very attractive.

so our conversation went a little like this: a whole bunch of self pity (from him, or himself), some throw in my face things and situations, a whole buncha doubt in himself, his worthy and already non existent confidence, and, trying to attack my character and logic/reasoning. I wasn’t into the last part. I told him to LEAVE as soon as I walked away from him into my room and noticed he followed. then invited himself to sit down and get in my face to “talk about it”. not happening buddy. he didn’t get the memo that I was clearly not pleased with him or his visit and the fact that I wanted him to leave. this went on for about some minutes before I threatened him to leave or I will leave. my own MF room, and building to get away from him. (around this time the sun was setting. I knew  this because I’m like crap, it’s dark and I gotta go out into the wild to get some peace and quiet). he finally said he was going to leave. but obviously he didn’t give up because he continued to spew nonsense out of his mouth and didn’t budge. I think he got 5 mins worth of talking, or I gave him 5 more minutes before I couldn’t take this and was seriously about to leave. then he left my room and started to say bye to everyone.

he kept saying bye to everyone for another half an hour and still didn’t leave. but at least he stopped talking to me and left my room. I went into the bathroom and showered to calm myself down and find peace. I come out of the shower to find he was still here.

by then, I had locked myself in my room just in case.

ugh, I think I’m going to end this here because I am getting tired and cold blogging.

I also don’t want to think or talk about this anymore. it’s annoying me now.

I hope that now that I got some things off my chest, I can sleep better and actually REM sleep tonight. sighs.

or I’m hoping I get really tired and fatigued later to do a crash nap.

(crosses fingers).


24 Sep

I’ve been an insomniac for the past two nights and clearly I need to get some thoughts outta my head. okay first things first. I need to organize and might have to divide into another post..

let’s talk about this girl who will remain nameless for the blog.

I texted her on friday, September 20th in the evening because something frustrated happened. she responded to me two days later on sunday… and, I never got that response but she might as well have continued to ignore it because it was irrelevant — the response and excuse.

listen, I’m not an unreasonable person. no, I get it, everyone goes through their own shit and deals with it differently. but seriously, I can’t get a courteous response to my “what are you doing” text? I wasn’t even initiating anything. well unless the “ughhh” before that constitutes as frustration and that I needed to talk. EITHER way, this stupid bitch could have gave me a prompt response or her excuse at the very same day or night. I mean it’s not like she hasn’t blown me off before with her go-to excuse of “I was busy” or “I’m busy”. so, CLEARLY I don’t understand. every time she gives me her go-to excuse, I always try to be understanding because she has school and her other extra curricular activities. and she usually tells me what it is that is keeping her busy. (friends are privy to know this information). this time, she used that excuse and added something along the lines of “I was going through some things and wanted to be alone”. fine bitch. I get it, you wanted to be alone. so why even bother to text me back two days later? you could have just continue to ignore me/it.

see, that’s the thing I dislike about her and never called her anything besides a good or close friend. and a lot of times, I regret it because she doesn’t deserve the title.

why? because ultimately she’s shady. for instance, every time we’re on the phone, she ALWAYS has to interrupt and speak/give pleasantries to irrelevants (using it as a noun here) at school. like wtf? then goes and says oh they’re no one and they’re not even her friends! so every time I confront her she just apologizes and thinks it’s okay. NO BITCH, IT’S NOT. apologies are for cunts and dicks. do people think apologies always work after the one/first time genuine apology is used? no. after that, anytime someone does a repeated offense to me, you might as well have punched me in the face because that apology means nothing and I get snubbed by randoms while I’m on the phone with her.

another reason why she’s shady is because she CRAVES male attention and treasure it more than anything. (reminds me of this other bitch I knew and loved, but at least that puta was loyal. this bitch here isn’t). she would ignore me via anything but once that guy makes the same move or puts himself in my place, she laps up the attention like a dehydrated thirsty dog. that’s really pathetic. I always hated females for that and still hate the fact that they give females like us a bad rep.

luckily, she assured me that she wasn’t texting any penises because our friendship would have ended right then and there on the phone. and, it took her almost a week to call me and apologize.

see, the thing with me is if you have offended me and you know it, and I am deeply offended. then you take super long or more time than necessary to apologize or make amends, I practically X you off my good list and don’t like you anymore after that. for her, it’s the same thing. she ignored my text, decided to call almost a WEEK later and have a pathetic irrelevant excuse. shit, you were dead to me by the end of the weekend because I could see clearly then, I can’t count on you for anything. (unless she’s actually giving me undivided attention on the phone, then I can count on her for some good advice and tough love).

otherwise, I rendered her useless.

I am okay and perfectly content with having no friends whatsoever (sure, I’ll complain but it’s meeting and getting to know people who turn out like that, is what I deem waste of my time. and, I rather not place myself in those situations; I already had multiple experiences).

so yeah, I could care less if she continues to be my friend after this day or call me, text me, etc. after all, she’s a bad friend so why do I need someone like that in my life? someone who STILL proves herself to be selfish. even after the fact of that day and situation. obviously, she hasn’t learned.

and obviously, I am saying: fuck her. from today on, I am not calling her, and not hitting her up via any medium. she can continue to contact me if/when she pleases but that’s on her. I am going to be neutral and.. not fake but, nonchalant about it until or IF she notices/calls me out on it.

if she doesn’t, then that’s cool too.

I had so many bad friends in my life that I’ve dumped or not stayed friend with. so I have no issue adding another one to those memories. I am not faltered or surprised by these typical bitches. see, someone like her is what my past self would call typical bitch. there’s nothing special about you, you’re not even fun and you’re a horrible selfish person.

what I don’t get is how a person can call oneself a friend and then act selfish. YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SELFISH IN A FRIENDSHIP!!! or at least, in the sense that it’s one sided. I really hate that shit. I am not even selfish like that.

now that I’ve destroyed and deduced her character, let’s delve into her excuses.

#1: school. bitch, I was in school just a couple of months ago before I graduated and I didn’t blow off my friend. sure, I blow off IR to go on random, waste spending outings on weekends because I didn’t have, or wanted to waste the money, and, weekend is for my hw. BUT that doesn’t mean, we didn’t talk or called each. IR and I talked at least every week on the phone. this bitch thinks that if she has a little bit of work, she has to cut off the world to concentrate. and fine, if she wanted to do that, that’s cool too. but at least treat EVERYONE the same way and don’t pick and choose who you ignore. that’s really unethical. she could even pick up or respond with her typical bullshit one and say I’m busy and I would have accepted it.

and yes, I know everyone deals with work and whatever differently. maybe she had bad time management. maybe she wasn’t as productive or task oriented and dedicated as I was. but still. NO excuse.

#2: she’s going through some stuff. didn’t I do the same to her last summer and she called me out on it? but I also told her beforehand that I wanted to deal with some stuff alone and not talk to her for a while. she still sent that follow up email saying I shouldn’t do that and that’s what friends are for: to be there for you and all that hall-mark card stuff.

then she does it and expects it to be okay? no. and her reasoning is horrible btw. because her issue is almost a year old and clearly, it’s time you moved on and GOT OVER IT.

I know, I know, different people, different mentality. but seriously, a year later?

well I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised because my sister took two years to get over our situation.

I guess stupid bitches will continue being stupid bitches no matter how much life tries to teach them or put them in the right place. people are stubborn and either don’t learn or don’t get over things until they want to.

same thing applies to the aforementioned bitches. (rolls eyes).

#3: loyalty. I am not tooting my own horn but anyone who calls me or views me as a friend knows I’m the real deal and I actually show that, or “come thru” as the ghettos say.

I am loyal to a friend until they show/prove they’re unworthy of my loyalty. then I start being a bitch.

all I ask is, if you’re going to scumbag me, treat EVERYONE else the same. don’t pick and choose. because that shit isn’t and won’t work for me. same thing I said to this other stupid teenage sister of mine. treat me respectfully or we’ll have issues and you’re going to deal with it. when that time comes around, people want to play passive and the victim card. ugh. how annoying and pathetic.

anywaysssssss. I am done and over talking about stupid typical bitches.

now you know. and now I know.

okay internet, let’s talk about him..

16 Sep

I woke up today kinda missing him. and I wasn’t sure if I missed him per se, or the fact of being in a relationship. and having someone who cared about me. and giving unlimited amount of attention and affection.

honestly, I do miss him. but, I really don’t know if I want to be in relationship at this time or, most importantly be in a relationship with him..

every time I think about breaking up with him, I end up feeling bad and thinking I let down a lot of people. and I think of all those people who I may let down and think some ways about me.

but, I’m sorry World, I can’t please everyone. I’m sorry that everyone had to get involved in our relationship before it happened and now they can’t help but feel bad for him and about the relationship.

yeah? I feel bad to because I feel like he wasted so much time, effort, money, and love on me.

sighs. I don’t even know why he likes me as much as he does. it’s not like I’m a good girlfriend to him anyways. I am pretty much a mean person and a bitch. all I have, is my looks and intelligent, somewhat charismatic ways. (if I’m going to be honest).

and right now, I can tell he still cares because he keeps doing these things on facebook that I can’t help but shake my head at or get annoyed at. like the fact that he still has an event called Surprise Party for Landry. and he even changed the date to a time next week…

I don’t get it. I would love to know what goes on in his head sometimes (especially recently) or what he thinks when I had told him I wanted a break. and accidentally sending him a message that I decided to break up with him. a message he was not supposed to see. but given the situation and stress levels I was at that day, I messed up and sent it to him. yes, what a faux pas I know.

and even though he got that message, he is still not convinced or has the slightly clue (OBVIOUSLY) about how I feel and what will happen.

my friend still thinks I should talk to him about it. but I think my mistaken with the text was a sign or gift from God that solved that breaking up with him issue for me. I feel like, I already accidentally broke up with him. but in his head, he obviously doesn’t believe it.

sighs. well, contrary to what my friend thinks I still should do. (such as talk to him in person) I am against it because, what’s the point? so he can know the reason? my reasons? it’s not like they’re good reasons anyways.

anyways, I do miss everything and I wish we could work it out but I don’t think it’s happening for us. I don’t think it’ll work out for us anyways.

ugh. stupid distraction from paperwork. maybe I’ll continue this another time when my thoughts are more focused. or, when I’m more focused and thinking clearly..

but I really hope he doesn’t contact me tomorrow.

I’m going to try my best to not be home. or not available.

I also hope he stops bothering my friend.






16 Sep

I hate the fact that those people who were not there for you while growing up or even been in your life, have the audacity to criticize others and put others down while inflating their head.

but, what are they actually inflating their heads with really? nonsense? bullshit? or maybe, all of the above? because ultimately, YOU were no there for me while I was going to high school, graduating high school. in fact, if it weren’t for friends and other mediums, my high school and teenage life would have been crap.

YOU were there for me while I was enrolling and going to my classes. lol. you weren’t even there when I graduate college and walked across the stage. so anything you say to me, or when you try to give me lessons and advice, I just laugh and call you stupid and irrelevant.

it’s too bad, I can’t tune people out anymore. I think it’s because of my grandma. because seriously, I was able to do this a couple of months ago.

now, I actually listen to what others say, even when it’s nonsense and crap. which is what it is most of the time.

it’s alright. I don’t think I’m bitter about it really. or about my past. I think I made my peace with it. just, I don’t have patience for stupidity and when nobodys and losers put themselves in my life without any relevance.

I live my life fine without you all this time. do you REALLY think I need you in my life now? it’s just a distraction. a numbing distraction. honestly.

if I had better things to do, I wouldn’t be hanging out with you. #trueStory

I can tell I’m okay and at peace with myself because I’m not even mad as I am typing this. I’m just merely observing from a outer perspective and commenting on the facts.




he says: “don’t depend on me..”

oh the hilarity. I don’t depend on anyone for anything. I learned young in life that most people you meet and grow up with are useless.

people are users and self-fish. everything about me is what I learned on my own. my mannerism, my writing/analytical skills, etc. I basically taught myself everything I know.

so no, I won’t depend on you and ever will.

thanks but no thanks bub..

a gloomy ish monday..

16 Sep

well kinda. but that’s because it was drizzling this morning into the early afternoons. then around 1 o’clock the sun came out 🙂

that was a nice and refreshing because I almost forgot how warm weather felt. it’s been too darn cold the last couple of days and I am not liking it. I hate cold weather. every aspect of it. I love the hot, blazing, dehydrating, faint-worthy, humid heat. I love wearing shorts and tank tops; I love not having to decide or even worry about what I wear because tanks and shorts are all I need and wear in the summer. I love the fact that I wake up to the warming sun in the mornings. I love the long summer days. I love the fact that the sun doesn’t set until almost 8PM so full long days in the glorious suns.
 I like the cold drinks like smoothies, shakes and all iced drinks.

sighs. although I spent a lovely vacation in hot, hot, hot humid weather for two months, I haven’t really gotten to spend summers in nyc for two summers already!

it’s okay, I think I can still incorporate some summer clothing mixed with this brisk fall weather. just no more summer dresses.


on to my next rant..


16 Sep

Man, I swear. If I ever wanted to get anything done right, I now know not to depend on a stupid male. they’re such a disgrace.

(shakes my head).


I wasted one hour and I don’t even know how many minutes because of that useless guy. not only was he not professional but he was rude and UNPRODUCTIVE. what a failure.

anyways, I’m happy to be back on the worldwideweb and can’t wait to get back to blogging. I miss writing down my thoughts and feelings. and lately, I’ve been thinking too much to not transfer it to some medium.


hello www. =)