okay internet, let’s talk about him..

16 Sep

I woke up today kinda missing him. and I wasn’t sure if I missed him per se, or the fact of being in a relationship. and having someone who cared about me. and giving unlimited amount of attention and affection.

honestly, I do miss him. but, I really don’t know if I want to be in relationship at this time or, most importantly be in a relationship with him..

every time I think about breaking up with him, I end up feeling bad and thinking I let down a lot of people. and I think of all those people who I may let down and think some ways about me.

but, I’m sorry World, I can’t please everyone. I’m sorry that everyone had to get involved in our relationship before it happened and now they can’t help but feel bad for him and about the relationship.

yeah? I feel bad to because I feel like he wasted so much time, effort, money, and love on me.

sighs. I don’t even know why he likes me as much as he does. it’s not like I’m a good girlfriend to him anyways. I am pretty much a mean person and a bitch. all I have, is my looks and intelligent, somewhat charismatic ways. (if I’m going to be honest).

and right now, I can tell he still cares because he keeps doing these things on facebook that I can’t help but shake my head at or get annoyed at. like the fact that he still has an event called Surprise Party for Landry. and he even changed the date to a time next week…

I don’t get it. I would love to know what goes on in his head sometimes (especially recently) or what he thinks when I had told him I wanted a break. and accidentally sending him a message that I decided to break up with him. a message he was not supposed to see. but given the situation and stress levels I was at that day, I messed up and sent it to him. yes, what a faux pas I know.

and even though he got that message, he is still not convinced or has the slightly clue (OBVIOUSLY) about how I feel and what will happen.

my friend still thinks I should talk to him about it. but I think my mistaken with the text was a sign or gift from God that solved that breaking up with him issue for me. I feel like, I already accidentally broke up with him. but in his head, he obviously doesn’t believe it.

sighs. well, contrary to what my friend thinks I still should do. (such as talk to him in person) I am against it because, what’s the point? so he can know the reason? my reasons? it’s not like they’re good reasons anyways.

anyways, I do miss everything and I wish we could work it out but I don’t think it’s happening for us. I don’t think it’ll work out for us anyways.

ugh. stupid distraction from paperwork. maybe I’ll continue this another time when my thoughts are more focused. or, when I’m more focused and thinking clearly..

but I really hope he doesn’t contact me tomorrow.

I’m going to try my best to not be home. or not available.

I also hope he stops bothering my friend.

 

 

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